Hello again!

It just occurred to me that maybe 3 or 4 people are actually going to read this. Still, one never knows, so I write as if it is a public blog, because hey, someone might stumble on it or something, or the blogs I follow might do so back.

Anyway enough of that. I have started another many drawings in a month project. I feel like I'm the world's least motivated person right now, but obviously I'm not. So to kick myself into gear I gave myself an assignment: 200 creative things in a month. I've already started and I think I'm up to 35 or something, and as predicted, the project is inspiring new ideas and either fleshing out or dumping old ideas. I might write a comic based on some of the drawings, which I've yet to do. (Let's see if my ADD can handle a comic.)

This time it's not just drawings that I'm doing, as I have a business making stuffed animals and dolls I'm working on. I have some cats to make for my grandmother, and I need to get the packaging together for the stuffed version of my "make your own superhero" dolls.

Perhaps I will give up on making stuffed animals for a living though. It's a big thing to say but I am not good at keeping up with the boring part of the production, and would rather make patterns. Patterns that can sell. Patterns that can sell as a PDF that I email to me, that take up no space and little material and will continue to sell even if I'm not working. It's maybe a bit sad as I bought tags for my stuffed animals, and I do plan to try one more push with selling the actual plush. But after this Christmas, if I don't get some good sales, I'm done. I'm gonna change over to patterns, coloring pages, and paper dolls. Things that are printed or printable. Perhaps an ebook or even, who knows, a real book.

On another subject, I've lived without a painting studio for about 4 months, and I just cleared out a bit of the garage. All I have to do is haul up my supplies from the basement and get rid of the boxes that don't belong in the garage, and I have somewhere to paint again.

When I was a kid I wondered about my lack of motivation, the difficulty I have finishing things, my "laziness" (I put in quotes because my therapist tells me not to call myself names, and lazy is one of the worst.) I thought that I would overcome it when I grew up. I thought somehow it was just a kid thing, later maybe just a teen thing, as a young adult there were a few brilliant moments when I was in school and working full time when I got my homework done and went to work and also had to take care of my mom. I don't really miss those 80 hour weeks, but I never felt this horrible sinking feeling that I'm wasting my short time on this earth away.

But I wasn't cured. I've been diagnosed with ADD, and all the books I read show the same kind of behavior, so though I hesitate to use it as an excuse, at least it gives me a model to work with, and shows me that it's not all my fault.

I think this blog post is sadly lacking in images, so I'm going to post a pic of the printed sew in tags I got for my plushies

Art Subject Brainstorm.

I haven't painted for over a year, save a few minor sit-downs in front of a portrait that i have owed someone for 2 years. (It's terrible, really, I need to get that finished. I feel really bad about it.)

The following is a brainstorm: A list of possible subject matter or inspirations for painting. Anyway here is the list:

Booby trapped painting: Like nuts and bolts, it looks like a nice painting until you get close then oooh, what is that...wait... WTF?! Why is she wearing that? Wait is that blood? Is that a FLY in the blood? Ew! That kind of booby trap.

Beauty in common or ugly things (Garbage paintings)

Astronomy, astrophysics

Time: The passage of time, geologic or astronomic time, the experience of time to a person, the clash between human time and geologic time, time passes, things change, get better, get worse, this too shall pass, we all are born, live, die. Evolution, both actual and symbolic.

Color and emotional meaning, mental response, social symbology, etc. Interactions of color visually, the science of color, prismatic color, rainbows, subtractive vs additive color mixing. The subconsious effect of color and form. The mushroom trip and the colors involved with each feeling and part of the experience.

Earth, geology, connected to time, also just beautiful in general, landscapes and what is going on underneath them, human interaction with geology, catastrophe, volcanoes, weather, earthquakes, etc., the motion of plates, mountains, change, age of rocks, eons, fossils, trilobytes, dinosaurs, what earth will look like in 25 million years, in 1 billion years

Stuffed Animals, toys, and the meaning to children and self as a child.

Children, what they are, philosophy, understanding, autonomy, the innate intelligence and wisdom of a young mind. Children's dreams, the child in everyone, memory of childhood, childhood mythology, children's dreams,

Dreams: meaning, representation, subconscious, symbolism, surreal interpretations, illogic, dissonance, flying, other worlds/places only seen in dreams, dream architecture, maps, fears and hopes, mental processing, spiritual meaning, tapping into the collective consciousness, meditation, understanding of the world through dreams, psychic, intuition, past life or memory of things not lived, mythology, gods and goddesses.

Surrealism Symbolic, subconscious, mind-play, lack of real meaning or means something not understood by artist, contrasting, paradoxical, dissonant, ironic, controversial, clashing ideas. Surprising, sometimes amusing, sometimes dark relationships of subjects in the painting.

Politics: Feminism, mid east, personal effect, health care, economic concerns and the human effect, what life is actually like, emotional response to political reality, quality of life, actual personal needs, death from political realities, need for change, forming a future, what would be ideal, what will happen if we don't learn from history.

Apocalyptic stuff: Climate, war, politics, clean slate, change, humanity, overpopulation, nature, back to nature, hypnotized by modern technology, attachment to modern tech., the tension and personal

Emotional expression

Manipulation of viewer emotion

Philosophy: Life, depression, joy, the flow of the mind, philosophy of living, coping, changing, loss, gain, wishes, zen, magical thinking, energy, interactions of people, love, family, relationships, heartbreak, complexity, aging, time passage, humanity, zen, buddhism, tao, aging, attitude, gratitude, addiction, understanding. The definition of art and of philosophy are basically the same: Both are about the human condition. Art is philosophy, in visual form. Even if it is a simple expression of aesthetics.

Beauty, refreshment of the soul, simplicity, decoration, cheering the home, feng shui, controlling the environment. Home, or where you live, work etc. Creating a space, color, exterior as expression of interior. Beauty and technical finesse in art, understanding the basics of design and the aesthetic understanding of all the elements and principles of design and making a piece of work. All of this can be part of a work that is about something else. Or it can stand alone.

Breaking "rules" of art, design, etc, but knowing you are doing it and why. Working against the common principles of design, color theory etc.

Flow, interaction, cellular, atomic, microscopic, macroscopic cause, effect, physics, symbolic of human interaction, time, movement, change, relations of microscopic and macroscopic, the size of the universe, the size of an atom, the proportions of both, patterns of physics, nature, etc. Science, quantum physics, metaphysics.

Psychology, ADD, distraction, differences of mind, personality, people, humanity, processing, therapy, regression, childhood, family, memory, etc.

Well, that should get me started. I think I also need to be mindful of my reactions to visual things, and the choices I make in even the simplest actions, like what I wear, what color background I chose on my blog, the font that I use, etc. It is all connected. Anything I respond visually to, either positively or negatively, I should ask myself why, and perhaps start a little journal and start a few drawings.

I could draw something relating to each thing on this list and see what I end up with.

Coming Back Around

It's been awhile since I've posted a blog. Mostly because this blog has been about my painting, and, well, I haven't been painting. At all. Actually I feel quite guilty because the last thing I posted about really needed to be finished a long time ago. I got so caught up in the other things I was doing that the painting didn't get finished. It has been the longest painting block I have ever experienced and I think I need to end it. But not tonight because I'm not in my apartment where my painting stuff is. That's the problem with being halfway moved, I live in 2 different places and nothing gets done. That will change in a couple months.

What I have been doing is working on a business selling my soft sculpture, and I guess that took over. So what I would like to do is start adding that subject to this blog. After all, it is all my work, and this is my blog, and I don't see the point in having several blogs for one person. I want to streamline it, make it all one thing. I have only one life after all, I am one person with many talents, and I figure I don't need to confuse everyone by keeping it all separate. So what you will find here from now on will relate to all my creative endeavors. If you want to see things that are specific to my Etsy business, you can follow my Facebook page for Feral Children http://www.facebook.com/pages/Feral-Children/183165058390755

So from now on all my artistic and professional blogs will go here, whether it's a series of drawings or discussion of new fabric for a bunny. I know some marketing experts might feel that I am dispersing my audience too much, but this blog is about me and the things I do, personally, so it is all held together by that common element. I am not a product or a company, and I think people are burnt out by faceless products and companies and their slick advertising and impersonal schemes. I'm an artist, not a corporation. Though I might have a corporation in the next couple years, I'm not the corporation.

It's been a long winter and there have been a lot of changes internally and externally. I am moving in with Marcus in his lovely house, I am slowly building a business, and I'm changing into the person I want to be and the life I want to live one tiny step at a time.

Right now I have some valentine bunnies to sew, a story to write, a painting to finish, and some cookies to make. If I spend too much time staring at the screen they won't get done! Peace.