Hello again!

It just occurred to me that maybe 3 or 4 people are actually going to read this. Still, one never knows, so I write as if it is a public blog, because hey, someone might stumble on it or something, or the blogs I follow might do so back.

Anyway enough of that. I have started another many drawings in a month project. I feel like I'm the world's least motivated person right now, but obviously I'm not. So to kick myself into gear I gave myself an assignment: 200 creative things in a month. I've already started and I think I'm up to 35 or something, and as predicted, the project is inspiring new ideas and either fleshing out or dumping old ideas. I might write a comic based on some of the drawings, which I've yet to do. (Let's see if my ADD can handle a comic.)

This time it's not just drawings that I'm doing, as I have a business making stuffed animals and dolls I'm working on. I have some cats to make for my grandmother, and I need to get the packaging together for the stuffed version of my "make your own superhero" dolls.

Perhaps I will give up on making stuffed animals for a living though. It's a big thing to say but I am not good at keeping up with the boring part of the production, and would rather make patterns. Patterns that can sell. Patterns that can sell as a PDF that I email to me, that take up no space and little material and will continue to sell even if I'm not working. It's maybe a bit sad as I bought tags for my stuffed animals, and I do plan to try one more push with selling the actual plush. But after this Christmas, if I don't get some good sales, I'm done. I'm gonna change over to patterns, coloring pages, and paper dolls. Things that are printed or printable. Perhaps an ebook or even, who knows, a real book.

On another subject, I've lived without a painting studio for about 4 months, and I just cleared out a bit of the garage. All I have to do is haul up my supplies from the basement and get rid of the boxes that don't belong in the garage, and I have somewhere to paint again.

When I was a kid I wondered about my lack of motivation, the difficulty I have finishing things, my "laziness" (I put in quotes because my therapist tells me not to call myself names, and lazy is one of the worst.) I thought that I would overcome it when I grew up. I thought somehow it was just a kid thing, later maybe just a teen thing, as a young adult there were a few brilliant moments when I was in school and working full time when I got my homework done and went to work and also had to take care of my mom. I don't really miss those 80 hour weeks, but I never felt this horrible sinking feeling that I'm wasting my short time on this earth away.

But I wasn't cured. I've been diagnosed with ADD, and all the books I read show the same kind of behavior, so though I hesitate to use it as an excuse, at least it gives me a model to work with, and shows me that it's not all my fault.

I think this blog post is sadly lacking in images, so I'm going to post a pic of the printed sew in tags I got for my plushies

Art Subject Brainstorm.

I haven't painted for over a year, save a few minor sit-downs in front of a portrait that i have owed someone for 2 years. (It's terrible, really, I need to get that finished. I feel really bad about it.)

The following is a brainstorm: A list of possible subject matter or inspirations for painting. Anyway here is the list:

Booby trapped painting: Like nuts and bolts, it looks like a nice painting until you get close then oooh, what is that...wait... WTF?! Why is she wearing that? Wait is that blood? Is that a FLY in the blood? Ew! That kind of booby trap.

Beauty in common or ugly things (Garbage paintings)

Astronomy, astrophysics

Time: The passage of time, geologic or astronomic time, the experience of time to a person, the clash between human time and geologic time, time passes, things change, get better, get worse, this too shall pass, we all are born, live, die. Evolution, both actual and symbolic.

Color and emotional meaning, mental response, social symbology, etc. Interactions of color visually, the science of color, prismatic color, rainbows, subtractive vs additive color mixing. The subconsious effect of color and form. The mushroom trip and the colors involved with each feeling and part of the experience.

Earth, geology, connected to time, also just beautiful in general, landscapes and what is going on underneath them, human interaction with geology, catastrophe, volcanoes, weather, earthquakes, etc., the motion of plates, mountains, change, age of rocks, eons, fossils, trilobytes, dinosaurs, what earth will look like in 25 million years, in 1 billion years

Stuffed Animals, toys, and the meaning to children and self as a child.

Children, what they are, philosophy, understanding, autonomy, the innate intelligence and wisdom of a young mind. Children's dreams, the child in everyone, memory of childhood, childhood mythology, children's dreams,

Dreams: meaning, representation, subconscious, symbolism, surreal interpretations, illogic, dissonance, flying, other worlds/places only seen in dreams, dream architecture, maps, fears and hopes, mental processing, spiritual meaning, tapping into the collective consciousness, meditation, understanding of the world through dreams, psychic, intuition, past life or memory of things not lived, mythology, gods and goddesses.

Surrealism Symbolic, subconscious, mind-play, lack of real meaning or means something not understood by artist, contrasting, paradoxical, dissonant, ironic, controversial, clashing ideas. Surprising, sometimes amusing, sometimes dark relationships of subjects in the painting.

Politics: Feminism, mid east, personal effect, health care, economic concerns and the human effect, what life is actually like, emotional response to political reality, quality of life, actual personal needs, death from political realities, need for change, forming a future, what would be ideal, what will happen if we don't learn from history.

Apocalyptic stuff: Climate, war, politics, clean slate, change, humanity, overpopulation, nature, back to nature, hypnotized by modern technology, attachment to modern tech., the tension and personal

Emotional expression

Manipulation of viewer emotion

Philosophy: Life, depression, joy, the flow of the mind, philosophy of living, coping, changing, loss, gain, wishes, zen, magical thinking, energy, interactions of people, love, family, relationships, heartbreak, complexity, aging, time passage, humanity, zen, buddhism, tao, aging, attitude, gratitude, addiction, understanding. The definition of art and of philosophy are basically the same: Both are about the human condition. Art is philosophy, in visual form. Even if it is a simple expression of aesthetics.

Beauty, refreshment of the soul, simplicity, decoration, cheering the home, feng shui, controlling the environment. Home, or where you live, work etc. Creating a space, color, exterior as expression of interior. Beauty and technical finesse in art, understanding the basics of design and the aesthetic understanding of all the elements and principles of design and making a piece of work. All of this can be part of a work that is about something else. Or it can stand alone.

Breaking "rules" of art, design, etc, but knowing you are doing it and why. Working against the common principles of design, color theory etc.

Flow, interaction, cellular, atomic, microscopic, macroscopic cause, effect, physics, symbolic of human interaction, time, movement, change, relations of microscopic and macroscopic, the size of the universe, the size of an atom, the proportions of both, patterns of physics, nature, etc. Science, quantum physics, metaphysics.

Psychology, ADD, distraction, differences of mind, personality, people, humanity, processing, therapy, regression, childhood, family, memory, etc.

Well, that should get me started. I think I also need to be mindful of my reactions to visual things, and the choices I make in even the simplest actions, like what I wear, what color background I chose on my blog, the font that I use, etc. It is all connected. Anything I respond visually to, either positively or negatively, I should ask myself why, and perhaps start a little journal and start a few drawings.

I could draw something relating to each thing on this list and see what I end up with.

Coming Back Around

It's been awhile since I've posted a blog. Mostly because this blog has been about my painting, and, well, I haven't been painting. At all. Actually I feel quite guilty because the last thing I posted about really needed to be finished a long time ago. I got so caught up in the other things I was doing that the painting didn't get finished. It has been the longest painting block I have ever experienced and I think I need to end it. But not tonight because I'm not in my apartment where my painting stuff is. That's the problem with being halfway moved, I live in 2 different places and nothing gets done. That will change in a couple months.

What I have been doing is working on a business selling my soft sculpture, and I guess that took over. So what I would like to do is start adding that subject to this blog. After all, it is all my work, and this is my blog, and I don't see the point in having several blogs for one person. I want to streamline it, make it all one thing. I have only one life after all, I am one person with many talents, and I figure I don't need to confuse everyone by keeping it all separate. So what you will find here from now on will relate to all my creative endeavors. If you want to see things that are specific to my Etsy business, you can follow my Facebook page for Feral Children http://www.facebook.com/pages/Feral-Children/183165058390755

So from now on all my artistic and professional blogs will go here, whether it's a series of drawings or discussion of new fabric for a bunny. I know some marketing experts might feel that I am dispersing my audience too much, but this blog is about me and the things I do, personally, so it is all held together by that common element. I am not a product or a company, and I think people are burnt out by faceless products and companies and their slick advertising and impersonal schemes. I'm an artist, not a corporation. Though I might have a corporation in the next couple years, I'm not the corporation.

It's been a long winter and there have been a lot of changes internally and externally. I am moving in with Marcus in his lovely house, I am slowly building a business, and I'm changing into the person I want to be and the life I want to live one tiny step at a time.

Right now I have some valentine bunnies to sew, a story to write, a painting to finish, and some cookies to make. If I spend too much time staring at the screen they won't get done! Peace.

Thank God, I thought I had forgotten how to paint!

Well, the Savannah's face is starting to look like her, maybe not perfect, but it's getting there! I had the underpainting in brown and white, and now I'm putting the color in. I guess i see in color so much better that it's easier now. But I like the way a painting looks when it started with monochromatic. Here's the rest of the painting, still monochromatic, still a little awkward, the couch is too big and the shoulder is at an uncomfortable looking angle, but all can be fixed. The couch will be a luxurious looking dark burgundy velvet. I think I will put some kind of subtle 1920's style wallpaper on the background, something that looks like it has textured images rather than colored images, I think. Her hair will also be a bit more strawberry than blond, which is a challenge because the girl used to have light red hair, but it's almost black now! I have to refer to wedding photos.

It's like an old fashioned version of photoshopping.... cut and paste and rearrange. The couch isn't something that either of us were ever near, and the dog was not allowed near the expensive velvet dress, so it's all assembled from different images.

Well, hopefully after this I can get some actual paid commissions... well, to be fair, I think a website is quite a lovely payment. Actually I got quite a deal. I think I came out ahead!

I'm really excited about where this is going!

Etsy is up, the Website is up!

Go to http://willowdarcy.com and check out the new layout. It's a bit simplified. I haven't sold anything on Etsy yet, but hopefully as I put more and more stuff on there and get a handle on it, I can get enough viewers that I will sell something! Just go to my website and click the "Etsy" button on the top. Click on the "Blog" button and it will bring you right back here! Thanks to Legacy Specialties for the design of my lovely site. Such a nice way to navigate. Google sites has limits, so sorry about the white spaces under the thumbnails, I really don't know how to get rid of them!

Savannah's Portrait

Finally worked in the studio today. I had forgotten that when I do a portrait, even if I have a photograph and use a projector, I still need to draw the face with pencil on paper. I won't yet show a photo of the painting itself, as I don't want to create a bias for the viewer, as I am still working on likeness, but I think I did a pretty good job with the pencil sketch of Savannah's face. I transferred the drawing on to the painting by putting a layer of oil pastel on the back of a copy of the drawing and drawing over it on top of the painting. Well, here it is. I am really glad I have a scanner and a printer, it makes these things so much easier. She looks a bit like the Mona Lisa, smile and everything. Wonder if I could get her to pose for me again and do a Mona Lisa update.

The insomnias guide to insomnia.

Ok this isn't actually a guide, but I liked that title. It is however a short article on something that creative people often complain about. I decided to do a little google research (i.e. not real research) on insomnia and particularly getting up in the morning when the previous night didn't go well. I found a lot of bad articles. Particularly, I could tell within the first few sentences whether or not the person was an insomniac.

For instance, one article written by a writer, one oddly who wasn't an insomniac himself, had all sorts of "advice". I looked around to see what kind of expertise he had. Was he a scientist? No. A nurse? No. What was he? He was a writer, and by the picture looked to be younger than I am. Hmmm. But I read it. What did it say? The opposite of what most insomniacs know. It said to stay in bed, keep your eyes closed, and keep the lights off. Don't get up, it said. Now I know his advice SOUNDS logical, but it isn't really. Because usually, and I will just speak for myself, it is my MIND that keeps me awake. Not books, not music, not doing things. Doing things gives me a calming satisfaction, reading distracts my mind from whatever it is thinking about. Just lying there? Well to be honest, that is what I do 99% of the time, and I can tell you definitively IT DOES NOT HELP!

On the other hand, the worst thing I can do is get on the computer... the light of the screen has been shown in studies to disrupt sleep patterns. So I should get on the computer when I'm trying to get up in the morning. See, I know there are insomniacs out there who just get up early, that's the symptom. Mine is the opposite, I can't go to sleep, when I do I wake about 4 hours later. Another article, one I actually liked, was called "10 Geeky Tricks for Getting Out of Bed in the Morning" and hell I'll go ahead and give you the link http://www.wired.com/geekdad/2009/02/10-tricks-to-ge/

I read another similar article that said something to the degree that if you don't go to sleep within 5 minutes of going to bed, then you aren't tired enough. What?!?! First of all, I feel bad for this guy's sex life. I mean, I don't have one myself right now, but if you wait until you are that tired and you have a significant other waiting for you, well, yeah.... we can see where that will go. Second of all, I don't think I have ever in my entire life gone to sleep that soon. Ever. Which means that, basically, if I wait for that moment, I won't sleep. Like at all. It takes me that long just to get sort of comfortable.

I have a theory about sleep and tiredness. I think that my insomnia really is in my mind, my habits of thought, and is connected to many things, as much as in my body. One of the mind traps is a kind of lack of faith. Not necessarily religious faith, but just a feeling of comfort and safety. I CAN'T go to sleep, I tell myself, what if something happens? What if I have things I needed to do? Only it isn't this coherent. I think that I can't sleep because I can't trust the universe to keep me safe while I sleep. I feel responsible for the house, for myself, for my pets, etc. I can't go to sleep, what if something happens? This is silly of course, but it also explains why I have trouble getting up in the morning. My mind has finally abandoned that train of thought, and besides, it is morning... I made it through the night. I was a sentinel. The sun has risen. All is well. I can rest now....

The worst part is that I do best doing my art in the morning before work. I have to start getting ready to go to work at 11 AM. Since I have been trying every single day to get up early, and failing almost every day, my art time is being whittled away, hour by hour, day by day. If I could just convince my sleepy headed morning mind that yes, it is important to get up, and not only is it important, but it is enjoyable. Believe it or not, I like mornings. I like being up, having coffee, the cold morning air... I just don't like getting up. Somehow I have to do this though, I have to get up... preferably by 7:30. I need that quiet time alone in my studio, while everyone else is asleep and nothing else is expected of me.... I need it. I wish I could do it.... Cross your fingers and wish me luck, because I'm going to try again tomorrow.