Maybe I fight myself too much. Maybe I should just accept that I do too many forms of work and just do what I feel at the time? I don't know. I don't' have time for all of it. I don't have time to do dolls, paint abstracts, do dream imagery, old master surreal mix, portraits, and all the hobbies that I get myself into (do I really need to spend what little art time I have crocheting socks? I don't know... I think I will make another custom swimsuit... but how many paintings do I intend to do?)
It all comes together I think, but I don't really know where or how. The old masters did it all didn't they? They didn't worry about only doing painting... or architecture. DaVinci did it all... so am I simply a renaissance woman? I'm trying to do what kills all artists in the end, I am trying to conform to an expectation so that I can make money with my art. I don't know if this is even necessary. It's depressing. I mean I do want to create a full body of work... but I also want to create what comes to my mind, and let the learning and growing come from that. I mean, I can do what I can do because of all the experiments with sewing and abstraction and other random hobbies that I get into. It all ties together doesn't it? What would my art be like if I did nothing but let myself create whatever came to me at the time, and had the time to do it all? Well, I would never have the time, but I would, I assure you dear reader, be an incredibly skilled artist with a fluency and fluidity of style that would enable me to do pretty much anything.
But could I sell it? I don't know. I don't know if my dream of making a living on my art alone is feasable but I have to try... I just don't know how to do it with integrity, without getting depressed and sucked into tv.
So tomorrow....I don't know maybe I will finally scrape the dry paint off the palette and clean up the studio some. I have a clean 16" x 20" canvas waiting to be caressed with lovely brushes. I miss the smell of linseed oil and Venice turpentine. I love Venice turp. It is basically tree sap. What it does is suspend the pigment so that light goes through it more freely and bounces back. It is one of the ways oil painters get that amazing glow. It creates a depth that is impossible in a photograph or in watercolor.
See that's why I love painting. I just love the process. I love the smell and the sensuality of a brush loaded with paint smearing on a surface. I love the magic. I've been jaded lately, thinking maybe I should give up on art. There are people who think my dolls are better... "my medium" they say. But they are only one medium and not one that is profitable. I can sell one for maybe $100 max... since they often take 10 hours to do I am back to making $10 an hour. That is only if every single one sells. Which of course is truly unreasonable.
So until I have a venue or a way of doing the dolls that will break out of the craft fair prices, they will remain mostly a hobby that doesn't even pay for itself. And, besides, I love painting, and I am just as good at it. It's just not as amazing to people because it is more common for people to be good at painting than turning flat pieces of fabric into very specific three dimensional forms. Thats a very particular skill, I know. I love it. I will do more soft sculptures, for those of you that think it is my forte. But it isn't. Not really. My forte hasn't been fully developed yet because I am too lazy or add or busy or overworked or whatever to put the effort into it. Laziness in art is probably the most sinful of laziness.
Sorry no pictures this time. I'm too lazy.
No comments:
Post a Comment